But at least he’s being compared to a great American hero like the gun-totin’ Charlton Heston in that ad (I think we can take the gun from him now).  He also compares Obama to Brittany Spears and Paris Hilton. Get it? They’re all famous. Not famous like Michael Jordan, Oprah or Bill Gates. Famous like dumb blonds.

But surely there are issues that McCain is running on, right? He wouldn’t simply be attacking on personal grounds if he didn’t have an agenda, would he?

Well, as the previous ad mentions, off-shore drilling is a top priority to reduce oil prices. Except that oil won’t come on-line for at least 5-10 years-meaning it would have zero impact during the next administration. Plus, he is for a gas tax holiday which-while no one believes it would actually reduce price-theoretically lowers the price at the pump, thus driving demand back up and slowing the move away from gas-guzzlers like SUVs. In other words, his plan, which would only reduce government revenue, but not actual price, even in theory doesn’t work. Instead, the idea is to spend a possible future boost in oil supply today. Get it?

And if McCain thinks there is so much oil out there to be had, and he knows it takes about a decade to start getting oil flowing in these sites, shouldn’t he have been advocating this position before this year? I mean, he’s been in the Senate since 1988. And has always been opposed to this policy. In fact, it wasn’t until June 18, 2008 that McCain decided offshore drilling was a good idea. That’s about 8,000 days into his Senate career. So which do you think was a truer measure of his belief: the position he held for 8,000 days of public life, or the one he adopted 100 days before a presidential election?

And if Obama is so stupid, why did John McCain just decide to take the Obama position on Afghanistan? Suddenly Afghanistan, the country whose former leadership actually attacked America, is a priority (or at some point in the future it will be anyway).

But of course, there is one issue that the GOP can always crush the Dems on: taxes. The Democrats are a bunch of socialists who want to take from the rich. The GOP does not raise taxes. Period. You can trust McCain. That’s the biggest difference between the candidates. Right? July 27, 2008:

[George] STEPHANOPOULOS: So, that means payroll tax increases are on the table, as well?

MCCAIN: There is nothing that’s off the table. I have my positions, and I’ll articulate them. But nothing’s off the table.

I don’t want tax increases. Of course I’d like to have young Americans have some of their money put into an account with their name on it. But that doesn’t mean that anything is off the table…

So while McNasty absolutely refuses to consider rolling back the Bush tax cut on the richest Americans, the payroll tax, which is most heavily tilted against the working poor (along with sales taxes) is still a possible target for increase. That’s right, he wouldn’t consider taxing the rich in any circumstance, but the poor are fair game.

No wonder McNasty is running on Paris Hilton and the idea of a false messiah. His policies are flawed and contradictory. But at least he has a plan for Czechoslovakia. That’s right, twice in two days he referred to a country that broke up more than 15 years ago. Once, you can understand. But the next day as well?

All of this points to one clear conclusion: John McCain is the best man to be US President…circa 1988.