Cup of Cha
This is China

Riots in Tibet last year. Riots in Xinjiang this year.

There is one lesson that we can learn from all of this:  Old people are dangerous.  Incited youths listen to and heed the words of virtually anyone the age of their grandparents. Young people are not motivated by ethnic hatred, lack of jobs or the perception that they are left out of their country’s economic development. The only thing that can convince rioters to take to the streets and act violently is…Old People. Usually from abroad.

It began with a certain lama last year who single-handedly caused riots from thousands of miles away. Age: 73. Then this year, Rebiya Kadeer, a former Chinese government official living in the US, is accused of masterminding the chaos in Xinjiang. The danger has spread to sexagenarian women! While the Xinjiang riots seemed to have no specific political purpose, but rather just huge masses of angry young people tragically out of control, China was smart enough to see through this ruse, right to its post-menopausal root. Her age? 62. I know, she’s not that old, but apparently she’s crossed the age threshold that tends to turn people into the type of violent anarchists that capture the hearts of youths. And she can do it concisely, in words that to the casual observer would not indicate violence. But according to China Daily, the government claims it has proof!:

In the recorded calls, Kadeer reportedly said: “Something will happen in Urumqi.” She also allegedly called her younger brother in Urumqi, saying, “We know a lot of things have happened.”

Surely a less skillful–dare I say younger–instigator would have needed harsher words to rouse the anger that she was able to draw. But for a 62 year-old, phrases like “something will happen” and “things have happened” can light a fire in an otherwise peaceful young person.

As an American, this concerns me. I’ve done some research, and there appear to be a lot of old people in the world. And many of them live abroad, the second requirement. This could be a major national security threat for America. It would be difficult to identify which one might incite American riots, but as a public service, I’ll give a few guesses.

Roman Polanski is 75. And living in EUROPE! Fled the US due to potential criminal issues. Strikingly similar to China’s two accused masterminds. Maybe Roman knows the right words to cause mayhem in Detroit.

At 68, Pele is another contender. It’s true that he only lived in the US for a few years in the 1970s and 80s, but surely his sway over America’s youth could cause riots in LA, if he were so inclined. Don’t let his good looks and great passing skills fool you. After all, the Dalai Lama also has both of those traits.

Then there’s a dark horse, sleeping in our own government. Senator Robert Byrd is fully 91 years old, making him the ultimate darling of urban mobs. With a snap of his finger he could have the youths of Miami sinking local ships. His apparent infirmity is the perfect front to throw people off the trail, while also appealing to teenagers.

These are serious issues that we as a nation have to confront. We see how nimbly old people can mobilize young, angry people in Tibet and Xinjiang. But most leaders in American focus their energy on creating jobs, providing a health insurance system and creating cap and trade systems that only old people can understand. Folly, I say! How many attacks orchestrated by old people do we have to witness in China before America wakes from its willful slumber?

Quite frankly, President Obama has been silent thus far on the threat of old people in America. Just how naive is our young president? His 71 year-old mother-in-law is living with him in the White House. That’s right, while China does its best to keep old folks from rabble-rousing its population, America has allowed one right into the White House.

Tags: obama, riots, tibet, xinjiang
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