Cup of Cha
This is China

The Olympics have, as hoped, put Beijing in the spotlight. My sister and some other friends are coming before the games, something I am not sure would have seemed as interesting or achievable without them. One reason for this is that for many the first thing that comes to mind when they think of China is ‘army backed, totalitarian, one party state’. China is pulling out all the stops to welcome its guests and doing everything possible to put on its best face. Here are my suggestions for making Olympic visitors feel welcome and ensuring none go home disappointed:

1. Make it almost impossible to get a visa within 6 months of the games.
2. Clean up and clean out the city.
3. Force hotels to pass their normally direct-out-of-china Internet connections through the official filters.
4. Beef up security presence in most public areas.
5. Remove all but official and Olympic vehicles from the roads for the duration of the games.
6. Ensure that there are some expats left in Beijing to tell the visitors ‘You know it is not usually like this.’, and ‘Ineterestingly the situation is a little more complicated than that…’

Here is my thinking:

Firstly, what better way to say welcome than a prolonged and nerve sapping brush with opaque and powerful bureaucracy? Once visitors arrive, clearing most of the foreign and local (but no Beijing Hu Kou) artists, musicians, volunteers and other riff-raff out of the city will leave visitors with time to attend Olympic branded minority cultural shows and other carefully crafted representations of modern Chinese culture rather than leaving them with a hotchpotch of unexpected and diverse cultural experiences. Once visitors are assured there is nothing untoward or remarkable in Beijing, making sure anyone who searches for the plaza between Qianmen and the forbidden city has google disappear a few minutes or making their favourite blog disappear is the simplest way to ensure that no one goes home without a good old fashioned big-brother-information-police story to tell their friends. A high security presence will take this feeling from the internet to the streets and also serve to show visitors that unlike the former East Germany this regime can afford its security apparatus. The final two suggestions should create an orderly almost choreographed feeling to peoples’ stay in Beijing. Nothing says one party state more clearly than an improbable balance between infrastructure and its usage. If this is combined with every visitor meeting at least one apologist for the local government the picture will be complete. If the authorities follow these simple steps and everything goes to plan Beijing should live up to everyone’s expectations and feel just like PyongYang for the Olympics, just with a little more money.

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