Mike Bloomberg: Please Buy the Knicks!
Dear Mayor Bloomberg,
Recently I noticed that you were in China, for what, I am not entirely clear. It looks like you will not be running for president, what with you getting chummy with Mr. Obama and all. So clearly you do not need to burnish your foreign 
affairs credentials. It’s nice and all that you are talking tough about human rights with the Chinese leadership, but aren’t you worried they might retaliate against your reporters in China? Unlike you they cannot fly the personal jet back to NY, out of harm’s way.
You would surely make a great president, but alas, I fear you will not run. Your term expires in two years, and you will no longer be able to run my beloved city. I will admit, I did not vote for you in 2001, instead voting for Mark Green. Needless to say that was not an inspired vote on my part. But you’ve won me over, what with your no smoking policy in bars, and good management style. I voted for you in 2005, and have not regretted it since. You are everything good about Rudy, without the other 90% of his personality.
But we both know you need a new challenge. Your jaunt to Beijing was all good and fun, and if anyone could solve this country’s problems it is certainly you. Sadly, you are not eligible to run to replace Hu Jintao, and the primaries have already whittled the field to two.
You need a challenge. You need a project that requires a strong-willed man to do the impossible. You need to buy the Knicks.
My professional sports teams have collectively won one championship in my lifetime, and I was seven then. The Knicks gave me effort and grit through the 1990s. They never won a title, but they were always something to be proud of. Sir, we have fallen on hard times.
James Dolan, the man who fired his father, who himself had built the entire cable juggernaut that allowed the selfish, inept son to be anyone, has made my team a mockery. With 125 million dollars he has bought a last place team without its lottery picks. This is a man who managed to hire the only GM worse than Scott Layden to be his successor. He is paying four head coaches 33 million dollars, three of them not to coach, and the other, Isiah Thomas, might as well not be showing up for work. On top of that, he has agreed to pay 11 million dollars to settle the debt incurred by Mr. Thomas’ sexual misconduct. And for this the GM has received an extension.
Mr. Bloomberg, I beseech you: Buy the Knicks. Surely you would never allow someone to sign a fat underachiever to a 5-year 32 million dollar contract, only to have him play 650 minutes in the first three years. Please, if you will not bring your talents to the White House, bring them to the World’s Most Famous Arena.
Sir, please buy the Knicks.
Sincerely,
A Random Blogger in Beijing
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graham responds:
Posted: December 14th, 2007 at 12:53 am →
Fuck that no smoking policy
Elana responds:
Posted: December 14th, 2007 at 11:59 pm →
You may be pleased to hear that he is apparently quietly re-considering a run.