An Imaginary Chinese Election
With all of the talk about Chinese democratization in the recent 17th National Congress, I wondered what a Mainland election would look like. Would it be like an American election, with Swift-Boat ads and fund raising bonanzas? It’s hard to know, and we’ll probably never see it, but it’s fun to imagine. Oh, wait, I forgot, The People’s Congress is democratic.
So China seems like the kind of place where celebrity would be pretty important. And remember, they like the Stalin type. People say things like, “He was a brutal dictator, but boy does he have a beautiful mustache that projects power!” Actually I’ve never heard anyone say that, but I have heard people praise Hitler, Stalin, Mao, and George W. for the same reasons. The funny thing is the one I was most surprised to hear was W (most Chinese people hate him).
What I’ve come up with is a candidate with celebrity, who projects strength, and would be acceptable to the Party. Who did I come up with? Jet Li (李连杰). You might think the short actor would be an odd choice, but in many ways he is quite logical. He has been representing the Chinese government since he was a young boy and met several US presidents before the age of 20. His martial arts prowess make him seem strong, and his name would make him highly electable. Sure, he probably has zero political ambition, but why let reality get in the way of a good fantasy. He could be be kind of an Arnold-type of leader.
Here’s a sample ad that might appeal to Zhou Q Public:
Announcer: As a young boy he met President Nixon, helping Mao open the door to relations with rehabilitated capitalist pig nation, America. As a teenager he made the People proud winning the national martial arts competition. As a man Li fought for China against noted Nazi-sympathizer Mel Gibson in Lethal Weapon 4.
Now he’s running to help continue the hugely successful policy of the harmonious society.
Jet Li: I’m Jet Li and I want to be the People’s leader, because I am the people. I share your beliefs. I hate Japan.
(legal note: this is strictly hypothetical and I’m sure Jet Li holds Japan in the highest regard.)
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chriswaugh_bj responds:
Posted: November 9th, 2007 at 4:49 pm →
Judging by “Fearless”, I suspect Jet Li is a Bruce Lee kind of Chinese patriot- he holds all people in equal respect regardless of race/nationality/ethnicity/number of freckles on their right forearm unless they prove themselves unworthy of it. Note that the Japanese fighter in “Fearless” had a very strong sense of honour and morality and conceded defeat to Huo Yuanjia. And in many of both Li/Lees’ films not all Chinese are good and there’s often at least one good foreigner. “Once Upon a Time in China 1″ is a good example- a Catholic priest turned out to be a good guy who tried to help Huang Feihong.
And you forgot Jet Li’s Buddhist faith. Something tells me that’s part of the reason for his lack of political ambition, and yet it could well work in his (and the world’s) favour if he did become president.
nichtich responds:
Posted: November 13th, 2007 at 2:08 pm →
Jet Li doesn’t have a very good reputation in his private life: after all, he has 2 marriages . And Jet Li’s accent is not good for a political figure: his has a strong beijing accent, which makes him seem unreliable. The buddhist faith is a good thing, but it’s hard to predict whether it will help him in an election, since the majority of chinese is atheist.
Josh responds:
Posted: November 13th, 2007 at 4:21 pm →
Two marriages? That’s outrageous! He needs at least one more if he wants to run–as a Republican anyway…